I want to focus on this strange element today, and this quote of advice from a fellow performer. I think when most people hear the word "shame", they associate with some sort of negative behavior. The phrase "Have you no shame?" comes to mind for me, being used as a tool to reprimand someone for a poor decision or judegement. Yet, when it comes to performing, "shame" is something that should be avoided at all costs. I'm encouraged to feel ashamed for my poor decisions in every day life, but when it comes to the stage, modeling, what-have-you, I better not give two shits? Good GOD the contradictions in my BRAIN! So, how does one come to terms with this concept of, "I should be ashamed, and yet I shouldn't be at all"?
Hell, what IS shame to begin with?
I utilized Google to help with that.
Shame: 1. A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace. 2. Capacity for such a feeling.
Okay, this makes it a little easier for me to process. Now I have to think about shame in terms of my modeling: do I feel guilty, embarrassed, or disgraceful for what I do? God no. SHOULD I? No way. There isn't a damn thing wrong with being sexy and confident in my body, or even a little bit vain about my appearance.
But have I ever felt shame? Sure.
But have I ever felt shame? Sure.
For starters, I've felt shame over some of my older shoots. I wasn't so much "fat" when I began modeling as I was just...unrefined in appearance. I've lost almost 20 pounds since my start and have begun seriously focusing on toning my muscles and taking care of my body. I've felt shame when someone has mocked my older shoots, because there's always a degree of truth behind the malice. I've felt even more shame over how I've chosen to handle the maliciousness and hatred of certain people towards my work (because instead of being the bigger person, I've sunk to their level and taken their bait).
That doesn't mean, though, that I should let shame control me or affect me for long. No one should allow that, no matter what you do. People want you to feel ashamed of yourself, because that will make you weaker and eventually wipe you from the map of competition, whether you're a model, a writer, or a stand-up comedian. Don't get me wrong, feeling shame is part of human nature, but don't let those haters get you so far down you can't get back up...they're probably really ugly, anyway.
This brings me to the second part of shame's definition - our capacity to feel such a thing. As I said before, we're human beings capable of a plethora (ooo look at you, Rein! Using big words and shit) of emotion, of course we have the capacity to feel shame! Just because you can, doesn't mean you should, though.
If you feel ashamed of yourself, over ANYTHING, seriously sit down in a quiet place and anaylze why you feel that way. Did you actually do something wrong, or does someone just want you to BELIEVE you did something wrong? There's no such thing as black and white in this world. What may be considered disgraceful in one person's eyes may be honorable in the eyes of another. No one knows the true nature of your actions and your craft but YOU. Always remember that you're the only one who can see yourself with 100% clarity...in short, screw everyone else's opinion but the one in your heart.
...
Man, what is with me today? I'm getting all deep and thoughtful lately.
Guess I just have a lot to think about.
Keep in touch for my upcoming second installment of DBTG: The "Feather", as well as a post surrounding some of my most recent projects and what my plans are for future collaborations.
Rock on, lovers!
-Rein
This brings me to the second part of shame's definition - our capacity to feel such a thing. As I said before, we're human beings capable of a plethora (ooo look at you, Rein! Using big words and shit) of emotion, of course we have the capacity to feel shame! Just because you can, doesn't mean you should, though.
If you feel ashamed of yourself, over ANYTHING, seriously sit down in a quiet place and anaylze why you feel that way. Did you actually do something wrong, or does someone just want you to BELIEVE you did something wrong? There's no such thing as black and white in this world. What may be considered disgraceful in one person's eyes may be honorable in the eyes of another. No one knows the true nature of your actions and your craft but YOU. Always remember that you're the only one who can see yourself with 100% clarity...in short, screw everyone else's opinion but the one in your heart.
...
Man, what is with me today? I'm getting all deep and thoughtful lately.
Guess I just have a lot to think about.
Keep in touch for my upcoming second installment of DBTG: The "Feather", as well as a post surrounding some of my most recent projects and what my plans are for future collaborations.
Rock on, lovers!
-Rein
No comments:
Post a Comment