Have you ever had one of those dreams that's so freaking strange and EXTREMELY detailed that you had to dedicate an entire blog post to sharing it with the public? No? Okay, maybe it's just me.
But seriously, this dream was about five kinds of messed up.
It all started off at the house I share with my significant other. We continuously noticed, each day as we'd come home from work, that there'd be random gifts at the back door. Sometimes flowers, sometimes stuffed animals, but each gift always had a note attached and addressed to me.
At first, the notes were simplistic. They'd say things like, "To: Rein. From: your biggest fan", and the like. But as we continued coming home to gifts, the notes began to get more elaborate...and creepy...and graphic. I could feel myself becoming more and more uncomfortable with these gifts and notes, and at my boyfriend's suggestion we just began throwing them away (of course, being that this is Dream World, we didn't think to do the LOGICAL thing like call the police), and we simply carried on with our lives.
That is, until said "biggest fan" showed up at the house in person.
I came home from work alone one day to find a tall man with short blonde hair and a sick grin standing on the walkway from my garage to the back door. He was holding roses, and introduced himself to me as the secret admirer. He asked me if I would be interested in going on a date with him and said he had a very nice sports car parked in our alley.
I begin to internally freak the hell out, but remained calm when I explained to him that, while I'm flattered by his gifts, I am in a committed relationship and have no interest in changing that any time soon. He nods, seeming to understand, and goes away.
For whatever reason, that night the boyfriend and I have guests over at our home, including my parents. We hear a knock at the door and answer, innocently assuming it's just another party guest. NOPE. It's Mr. Biggest Fan, and for once he has no gifts to bring.
He steps into the living room and goes into this long-winded speech about why I should be with him - that he'd shower me in presents every day for as long as I lived and he'd give me anything my heart could possibly desire. I look around. Boyfriend is no longer anywhere to be found at this point, but my dad is, and dads make everything better.
My dad gets in this guy's face. He tells him he has no right to come into his daughter's home and attempt to lure her away from her family. He also calls the guy mentally unstable and demands that he leave before he calls the cops.
Then shit hits the fan. The guy goes beserk. He pulls out a switchblade and comes at both me and my dad. He stabs my dad in the shoulder.
He stabbed. My dad. In the shoulder.
Then he came at me. I moved just enough for him to miss stabbing me anywhere fatal. Instead the knife went into my arm. You ever have those dreams where you can really FEEL something happen? Yeah...somewhere in the back of my subconsious I knew how it felt to be stabbed, because I FELT that shit.
Biggest Fan and I begin wrestling each other for the knife. The entire time this is happening, I'm screaming for help, and no one is helping me. All of my party guests are still in the house, boyfriend is still no where in sight, and now my dad is missing too. But yep, totally on my own, because that's how nightmares work. It's me against this stalker psychopath. In my head, I could hear myself thinking (almost narrating, even), "So, this is it. This is how I'm going to die. I'm going to be stabbed to death repeatedly in my own home by a psychotic fan. Fate, you're cruel..."
I didn't die though. SOMEHOW I was able to out-muscle him. This would never have happened in real life, but Dream Rein is apparently the Hulk. Once I got the knife you'd better believe I stabbed the daylights out of him. Real Me is quite proud of Dream Me for that one.
Absolute insanity. There was no way I couldn't share this with all of you. I believe in dream interpretation and everything, but I have no clue what the universe would be trying to tell me with something like THAT. Hopefully you all at least got a kick out of the hell that is my subconsious.
On a happy note, the dream did end with me going on to emcee a beauty pageant with a member of the Blacklist. I had a scar on my arm (that I only noticed because my co-host mentioned that I seemed to be healing up nicely), but I still looked damn good. And clearly that's all that matters.
-Rein
Friday, March 8, 2013
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Severing Ties
A very common theme seems to be popping up in my life. That theme generally makes people uncomfortable and no one likes to talk about it in depth - especially me - because it involves facing cold, honest truth that we'd rather shove to the back of our minds.
That theme is cutting a person out of your life.
I'm one of those people who can appear strong and badass on the outside, but on the inside be almost desperately needy for love and affection from others (I believe I went into more detail about this in a previous blog). Because of this, I will more often than not hold on to relationships that aren't good for me out of a fear of being alone, or remain friends with people who are poisonous for the same reason. I am good at convincing myself that "deep down they're good", or the classic and over-used, "I can change them!" mentality comes into play. For me, cutting a person out of my life is almost an impossible, not to mention crippling, feat.
But I've done it before. There is always hope, no matter how small.
I want to talk to you guys about recognizing when a relationship needs to come to an end with an unfriending on Facebook and a deletion of a phone number. There's signs, there's red flags, and once you've caught on to them you can decide whether or not to take action.
Now, keep in mind I'm referring to seriously mentally/emotionally damaging relationships in this post. I'm not saying you should cut someone out of your life just because you had a minor spat. People should only really be booted if they're doing serious damage to your happiness or stifling your potential to grow as a person. Ask yourself these questions:
1. Do I get as much as I give in this relationship? Or do I give far more than I get?
I'm not talking about presents here - I'm talking about respect, understanding, compassion, and things of that nature.
2. Does this person support me and help me grow?
If the answer is no, ask yourself if this person more often than not puts down your ideas or seeks to "out do" you in your endeavors.
3. Does this person make me happy?
This is a hard one, because it involves a lot of brutally honest soul searching. Do you feel like this person lifts you up? Could you live (I mean, live) without this person in your life?
4. What would my life be like without this person in it?
If you feel like you would be more at ease, more stable, and more positive without him/her, it might be time to consider letting this person go.
I realize this all seems obvious and elementary, but the thing is, when it comes down to actually cutting someone out after you recognize they do you no good, sticking TO this is most often where I (and others) fuck up. Because it's so hard to resist the charm and dashing smile of someone you once really loved staring at you with that striking gaze, saying, "Baby, give me one more chance, I love you, I think about you all the time and" *cough* Yep, and there you have it, you're back in the pit.
You can probably tell I've been in this situation more times than I'd like to admit...
I realize that this may not be the ideal way to do things, and this won't work for everyone, but for me cutting a person out means getting as far away from that person as possible. Delete their number, block them on every social media site you use, and if they are in the same building as you, leave. For me, the only way I can successfully get rid of the poison is to force myself to believe it doesn't exist. That's probably a little...um...extremist, but if all else fails for you (because you're just as hopeless as I am) there is always that option.
This entry feels kind of rambly. I guess what I'm ultimately trying to say is that all of you, at some point, will come across a friendship or relationship that does you no good and you will need to end. You have to put on your big-kid underwear and be honest with yourself in recognizing the issue, and you really have to try hard to deal with the sadness and heartbreak of severing the connection. Luckily, there are things called ice cream and booze that help us deal with these issues!
Actually, maybe not booze. Booze leads one to want to drunk text/dial, and that could get you back into the pit too.
Maybe online shopping or exercise.
Till next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.
-Rein
That theme is cutting a person out of your life.
I'm one of those people who can appear strong and badass on the outside, but on the inside be almost desperately needy for love and affection from others (I believe I went into more detail about this in a previous blog). Because of this, I will more often than not hold on to relationships that aren't good for me out of a fear of being alone, or remain friends with people who are poisonous for the same reason. I am good at convincing myself that "deep down they're good", or the classic and over-used, "I can change them!" mentality comes into play. For me, cutting a person out of my life is almost an impossible, not to mention crippling, feat.
But I've done it before. There is always hope, no matter how small.
I want to talk to you guys about recognizing when a relationship needs to come to an end with an unfriending on Facebook and a deletion of a phone number. There's signs, there's red flags, and once you've caught on to them you can decide whether or not to take action.
Now, keep in mind I'm referring to seriously mentally/emotionally damaging relationships in this post. I'm not saying you should cut someone out of your life just because you had a minor spat. People should only really be booted if they're doing serious damage to your happiness or stifling your potential to grow as a person. Ask yourself these questions:
1. Do I get as much as I give in this relationship? Or do I give far more than I get?
I'm not talking about presents here - I'm talking about respect, understanding, compassion, and things of that nature.
2. Does this person support me and help me grow?
If the answer is no, ask yourself if this person more often than not puts down your ideas or seeks to "out do" you in your endeavors.
3. Does this person make me happy?
This is a hard one, because it involves a lot of brutally honest soul searching. Do you feel like this person lifts you up? Could you live (I mean, live) without this person in your life?
4. What would my life be like without this person in it?
If you feel like you would be more at ease, more stable, and more positive without him/her, it might be time to consider letting this person go.
I realize this all seems obvious and elementary, but the thing is, when it comes down to actually cutting someone out after you recognize they do you no good, sticking TO this is most often where I (and others) fuck up. Because it's so hard to resist the charm and dashing smile of someone you once really loved staring at you with that striking gaze, saying, "Baby, give me one more chance, I love you, I think about you all the time and" *cough* Yep, and there you have it, you're back in the pit.
You can probably tell I've been in this situation more times than I'd like to admit...
I realize that this may not be the ideal way to do things, and this won't work for everyone, but for me cutting a person out means getting as far away from that person as possible. Delete their number, block them on every social media site you use, and if they are in the same building as you, leave. For me, the only way I can successfully get rid of the poison is to force myself to believe it doesn't exist. That's probably a little...um...extremist, but if all else fails for you (because you're just as hopeless as I am) there is always that option.
This entry feels kind of rambly. I guess what I'm ultimately trying to say is that all of you, at some point, will come across a friendship or relationship that does you no good and you will need to end. You have to put on your big-kid underwear and be honest with yourself in recognizing the issue, and you really have to try hard to deal with the sadness and heartbreak of severing the connection. Luckily, there are things called ice cream and booze that help us deal with these issues!
Actually, maybe not booze. Booze leads one to want to drunk text/dial, and that could get you back into the pit too.
Maybe online shopping or exercise.
Till next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.
-Rein
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