Being a rabid attention whore desperate for actual "stage time", how could I say no?
The show was set up to be a duel against two teams: Team Wayne and Team Josh. Each team selected three talented local comedians to face off against each other in a battle of humor, and there was one set that particularly got my attention, thus inspiring my latest installment of DBTG. This set detailed a particularly classless breed of woman known as the "Feather".
What is a Feather, exactly? Said comedian defined Feather Girls to be the type to be "fingered on the dancefloor of Malarkey's" (a night club in the District of the Quad Cities for those who don't know). I'm sure that gives you more than enough indication to what kind of girl I'm referencing...yep. The girl who gets way too drunk EVERY weekend, sleeps with ALL the boys, and is so "like, oh ma gawd hawt" (more like "oh mah gawd, hawt MESS"...I'm so clever).
A classic Feather in action, courtesy of Google Images
Bitches don't wanna be that, and if you are one you sure as hell don't like to talk about it openly.
I've been fortunate enough to be friends with Feathers at various points in my life (by friends, I mean drinking buddies), so I've gotten to see these interesting ladies in battle mode in person. I can't express enough how entertaining it is to sip a Jack-and-Coke and watch these poor piles of mess wreck themselves publicly. In one night, I literally saw one girl swap spit with twenty...yes, I said TWENTY, different guys. I was actually mildly impressed, and wanted to hand her an award when she didn't come down with some horrible sickness a week later. Another instance was at a dance club where I watched a Feather attempt to hook up with one guy, pout when he wouldn't give her attention, move on and attempt to get with a DIFFERENT guy, and then bounce right back to the original one.
Seriously ladies, bravo. It must be hard work being so...flexible? Interpret that as you will...
You can be a lot of DBTGs, but try your hardest not to be a Feather. Please. I'm all for being a sexual person, if that's your thing, but keep it classy. Men should have to work for our attention, affection, and to see the sweet spot between our legs. Don't let loneliness, insecurity, or our best friend alcohol tell you differently.
Someday, my fair readers, I will be more religious about updating this thing and won't leave you hanging for weeks at a time. No, really, I'm not bull shitting you.
Till next time,
-Rein
